Why it matters WHAT you say, and HOW you say it, will cause people to gravitate towards you - is that your experience too? Last evening I received a
Why it matters
WHAT you say, and HOW you say it, will cause people to gravitate towards you – is that your experience too?
Last evening I received a call from a friend – Marvin, he too, appears to have learnt about the initiative geared to support those who wish to “escape shortsightedness.” From our conversation, it later emerged that he too had been on the recently launched website, more specifically the section “About the Founder” . I thought so, because he asked me ….”What I meant, when i said I have worked with a lot of smart people? In my mind,” he continued, “that is obvious; we all do, or have at some point or another!!”
I was taken aback, because I wasn’t too certain, we all have a similar experience on this score!
Fast forward …….. the conversation with Marvin got me thinking – I needed to distill some of the things I learnt from my “incredible fortune, working with some smart people.”
Because, yes, I think, I have been very fortunate having grow up, worked [and now live, in the same house, I dare say!] with some very smart people. And to them I give a lot of credit for what I am today. And this got me on “sneezing thoughts mode” actually ~ a lost art in the digital age..
Real Communication – Re-discovering a Lost Art
A good majority of us, spend a fine chunk of our awake time at work, and you are lucky, if it’s in a family business. At least then you have time with your family members. But most of the time we communicate ‘through apps and texting, and treat each other like strangers in person.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do not advocate for doing away with these enablers – the texts, the apps etc. Because technology is here to stay!! ………. My drift, is how to make it work for us too!
And so, I ask what can you say consistently ~ in daily communication ~ through the apps, texts and face-2-face that will cause your family members, colleagues and employees to gravitate towards you. Be warned however, that these words, which if used well, I think, will besides causing a team player to light up with a smile, will have you dealing with another problem – that of the bootlickers, hangers-on, and heel-snappers, who won’t be left far behind!
These words [which in some instances include genuine questions] will earn you one of those precious value adds in life, when people might exclaim ….aahh ..ah – haa “This is someone I can trust.”
#24 ways that verbally express appreciation, encouragement, trust, and demonstrate to others that you’re a great leader are drawn from my “incredible fortune, working with some smart people.”
#5 phrases to express encouragement and affirmation – gleaned from the interaction with Ashif Kassam “in the ditches” of advisory services, where he kicked butt a couple of times till “my-pen-begun-to -write-what-was-in-my-head.”
- I know how hard this project is, but I just can’t imagine working without you.
- I trust your judgment on this decision.
- I have loads of confidence in you and your abilities.
- You are one of the most reliable team member I’ve ever had. I believe in you.
- I’m happy to see you – [mentioning the name]!
#6 phrases (including 4 questions) to express exceptional leadership – Prof R. C Tripathi, at Oxford of the East sought to heal the“Itch i had, to learn, understand and to solve” and in the process introduced me to Frijof Capra – The Turning Point and Tao of Physics. Prof. used these phrases a great deal!
- ..with deep concern … What can I do to help make you better
- Know that I’m here for you and my door is always open. Just ask me anything.
- I’d like to learn more about your talents to ensure we’re crafting your learning according to your strengths and interests.
- I want to make sure you have everything you need to succeed any obstacles in the way?
- When can we schedule some time to discuss your career path and development goals?
- How can I better support you as your tutor?
#5 phrases – to express praise and appreciation – I may have picked this from Saka Agola, a pretty socially intelligent fellow. Thought he’d never been beyond the gates of a formal university, these insights, surely grant him some space in the proximity of one! He called this “rekognison” [recognition – if you know what i mean!].
- I couldn’t have done it without you.
- Your role [insert name] is truly important to our success.
- Having you on this team makes a great difference.
- I love how you handled that [situation/difficult person/task]!
- Hey! [call out name] It’s so refreshing getting to work with you
#6 phrases to express the building of trust – Jane Delorie who grafted the “devil is in the detail” and nurtured the seeds of confidence-building – trust.
- What is your opinion on this [project/task/proposal/strategy/decision]?
- That was my fault. You deserve better.
- What can we do better next time?
- Subscribe Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions..
#6 phrases to inspire and motivate others – Peeush Mahajan with whom I plugged the tipping points in the “in-the-trenches” of a surging family-owned business. Peeush used these generously.
- I’d love your feedback on any changes I need to make before presenting.
- This is what I’d like for us to accomplish together long-term.
- I want to ensure we work with your strengths.
- Tell me how that works. I want to learn from you.
And yes, this list continues ……..
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What phrases would you add to this list for building better relationships with family and with co-workers or employees? Hit me up on Twitter.